Writer's Post: Internal Affairs

This picture plus the words "Internal Affairs" is the prompt for this week's writer's post.



After the trip down The Wizard of Oz's Yellow Brick Road, Tin Man had finally gotten a heart. Possession wasn't good enough because a heart belongs in the chest taking care of internal affairs while banging life throughout the body.

So, Tin Man opened wide and swallowed the heart charms. Unfortunately, it didn't attach to his chest nor stop between non-existent lungs. The charms tumbled to the floor of his bodily barrel and made horrendous rattles every time he moved. Plus, that silly little charm tickled.

The Tin Man visited Scarecrow, who had an incredible brain, and asked him how to fix the problem. Scarecrow suggested he see an auto mechanic in Kansas. They asked Lion to come with them, but he was too scared of the noisy shop, so Tin Man and Scarecrow traveled down the flat roads by themselves.

When they reached the shop, the mechanic pulled out his power tools which sang a cheerful tune while opening the Tin Man like a can of tuna fish. At which time Toto darted into the shop and snatched the charm in his doggy lips. Dorothy pried the furry rat's mouth open until the heart dropped to the ground and broke.

After that, Tin Man not only had a rip in his chest but was also heartless.

Wordless Wednesday: Harry Potter

 

#GBE2: The List

This week's GBE2 prompt is to make a list and give it a title. Here's mine.

My Daughter Is On A Cruise

Great Vacations I've Taken This Year

1.

At least my dog hasn't taken a vacation. No joke. I know someone who sent her dog to Texas. I was her Secret Santa years back and wrote her a poem.

          Roses are red,

          Violets are blue,

          Your dog took a vacation 

          instead of you. 

I guess I need to come up with another list. Hmm. 

Ways I've Saved Money This Year

1. No vacations

 

I give up; this sucks. I just had a week off from work... stayed home. As soon as I opened my classroom door this morning, I had a surprise. The portable was broken into, ransacked, and three computers stolen. I hope those slime balls get a long vacation, in JAIL! :p

Silly Sunday: Daddy How Was I Born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born ?'  

The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!  Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.  Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other.  There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.  As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:  

   

"You've got Male!"

Writer's Post: Reflection Fail

Last night when driving home from dinner, my husband and I spotted Venus and Jupiter glowing low in the sky due to the sun's reflection upon them.

When the sun shines on me, I only tan or burn. Never have I glowed like a planet or Edward Cullen. I wonder if our planet would shine like a star if we were to look at it from Venus or Jupiter.

Since the planets looked so beautiful, I ventured outside with my camera phone. Here is the picture I took of the planets... just for you.

REFLECTION FAIL

Wordless Wednesday: Purim in Israel

Purim is a time when Jews dress up in costumes just like many do on Halloween. The black hatters are wearing their traditional garb as they meet their modern day counterpart. 

Thanks to Sally Rosenberg for the photo.

#GBE2: Shenanigans in the Rockies

It's best to be at Shwayder Camp!

Back in high school, I worked as a camp counselor at Camp Shwayder, a Jewish camp nestled in the beautiful rocky mountains of Idaho Springs, Colorado. As staff, we enjoyed the full run of the camp and knew her well. Although always nice to the campers, we were guilty of laughing at some of their shenanigans after the sun went down, such as the story of a little girl called Spacy who tipped over backwards the moment she put on her backpack. She fell in a straight backwards flop without a scream, twitch, or even a facial grimace.

I guess I was the same way on my day off where I made the mistake of falling asleep in a chair with a room full of counselors ready to pull their shenanigans on me. It would have been a lot more fun to watch someone else wake up with a cigarette butt in her hand and an empty bottle of booze under her arm. I am not nor have I ever been a smoker, but I might have drank a little that night since I slept through those shenanigans.

I miss the mountains!

When the camp sessions came to an end, several of us found ourselves in an odd predicament. We wanted to attend a youth group convention a week after camp ended but lived too far to go home for a week. The director gave us an awkward option. We could spend the week at the camp and participate in a program called Youth Tute provided that we be campers. Campers? We had spent the entire summer being counselors, and now we couldn't even wander into our own staff lounge! 

This was horrendous! This was unacceptable! This was... wait a minute, this could be fun. Okay, if they want us to be campers, we'll act like them–and thus–the shenanigans began. Imagine the look on the camp director's face when he found his former staff breaking every rule in the book. We had a blast sneaking out of the cabin, hiding behind the water heater, and raiding the boys' cabins. Shenanigans!

Writer's Post meets Silly Sunday: Energy & Heavy Evy

It amazes me how one word can trigger a flood of memories that basically have nothing to do with the topic at hand. "Energy is the ability to do work!" On one particular day, that's the phrase our sixth grade teacher made us shout before she'd let us out the door to blessed freedom from her class. Hopefully her ways are silly enough for a Sunday at Rhonda's Laugh Quotes.

Small hides the guilty.

Although I was just about the tallest girl in the class, this monstrous woman towered over all of us. You may recall my discussion of 5X5, my mother's "friend" who was five feet tall and five feet wide. On that same frame of reference, meet 6X6. From my child perspective, she just might have been.

Ralph M. Captain School

Our elementary school followed the idiotic seventies trend of open classrooms. With this design in place, I was able to hear and fear this teacher for two years before I was thrust into her classroom. Thank goodness for Mrs. R, the teacher's assistant who used to garner long lines to check SRA so that we could skirt around "Heavy Evy."

I'll never forget wanting to skip school on my birthday because of her weird practice of spanking kids over her knee in front of the class. She'd pat their tushes eleven times while counting in an annoying high-pitched squeal then smack the tar out of them on number twelve. I'm guessing that since two other girls shared my birthday, she left us alone for time's sake–or maybe she was smart enough to know that my dad would be beating down her door if she ever hit me.

Now that I'm a teacher, I see three types of kids: the ones that want a hug all the time; those that don't touch but will tell all about their lives; and finally, the type of kid who keeps as far away from the teacher as possible. Can you guess what type of kid I was? Yep! Number three, even with the nice teachers. This made her intrusive ways even more threatening.

There is one good out of this sixth grade experience. Heavy Evy, and her best-friend who taught me in grade four, provide great fodder for my novels. When you read about a mean teacher in my novel, think of Heavy Evy.

#GBE2: Confrontation

When my kids were little and acted up in public, I was quick to tell them that "Aunt Joyce" wasn't going to take them anywhere if they couldn't behave. Now that my kids are grown, they throw the name back at me by calling me Aunt Joyce when I get into my multiple confrontations in front of them.

Even though little girls are taught to be seen and not heard, I must have missed that message because I'm afraid I can be quite confrontational when things don't go my way, which seems to be more frequently since the world abandoned the saying, "The customer is always right." See I Hate Delta Airlines. After much tweeting and bad publicity for that sad excuse for an airline, I got my way–sorta.

Volkswagon is a much smarter company than Delta because they gave into to my demands much sooner after a strip of aluminum siding fell off the inside of my door. The dealership's service department told me they did not sell aluminum strips and I'd have to replace the entire door at the tune of $600+.

I didn't argue with the kind people on Winchester Road but rather dialed directly to headquarters and told them (1) this is unacceptable (2) there is no reason not to sell me a small part (3) I will get my car fixed at a reasonable price, and finally (4) If I don't, I will blog and tweet this story to the world.

At first, I was offered a $200 discount, which would still leave me paying $400+ for a strip of aluminum. I said, "No way!" and the counter offer was on the table the next day. In the end, they replaced my door for free, and I paid a small amount for the price of labor ... about the price of a piece of aluminum.

Although men who act like me are assertive, us women get called less flattering names when we play difficult customer. I don't care and will wear the name with pride, but , err; hopefully, I haven't been too awful.

As a side note, I love my Volkswagon Eos and their service department in Memphis. I would most certainly buy another one.

Wordless Wednesday: Tom Hanks

Did you know there is a site totally devoted to turning Tom Hanks into animals? I couldn't make this stuff up! 

http://tomhanksimals.tumblr.com/

Here are some samples from this site.

Maybe it's best not to be a celebrity!

Silly Sunday: Doggie Park

In Memphis, we have an off leash park at Shelby Farms. It's "doggy Disneyland" to my pals. I tried to capture the excitement on the way to the park.

So what is she crying about? She does this every time we go to the dog park, and it's silly.

Writer's Post: Did You Know?

This week, Writer's Post has asked us to write a page from our brag book or something we'd like to share. My share session reminds me of the senior citizens who love to boast and brag over whose back aches the most or who has more problems. My post is something like that.

I've been a lousy blog hopper, I know, but life is hard with the day job. Did you know I leave for work every morning around 7:00 and don't get home until after 6:00? Plus, I take the work home with me so that if home commitments don't get in the way, I'll spend another hour doing more just to keep afloat. If I don't fall into bed by ten, I can barely function the next day, which isn't fair to kids who need a smiling face at school. Thank G-d for the week-ends where I can finally drop on a blog or two and maybe leave a post... but, not this one. "Silly Sunday" Erica is home from college, and I'd rather visit with her than you. No offense, but blog hopping takes time that I don't have. I'm doing well to post on mine.

Why is teaching so time consuming? To start, not only do I plan lessons, but I'm also a special education teacher who must write IEPs and conduct meetings with everyone on my case load. At 91, my student population is small compared to other years. During my planning time, often occupied with parent meetings, I'm trying to find the time to give achievement tests to two little guys. However, I can't slack off because I'm due for a "pop in" evaluation any day now. I've been keeping on my toes for the pop in since January, and the stress is killing me.

I'm thoroughly sick of the public criticizing us for not doing miracles with the young generation. These kids are working harder than I ever did at their age, and the curriculum is tough. Did you solve algebraic equations in third grade? Did you diagram complex sentences in fifth? In all fairness, my students are intellectually gifted, but still! I'm expected to show growth on their achievement tests even though most of them are starting out in the nineties. I pray no one sneezes during the test!

November 1, 2016. That's the day I'm eligible to retire, if we can afford it after paying college tuition for three kids. I think I'll take my slim retirement pay and supplement it by greeting Walmart shoppers. At least that way, I could leave the job at home and go back to having a life.


Meanwhile, I've eaten some of the stress and tacked on a few pounds and am fighting hot flashes, waking at night, and all the other messes associated with my awful age. See. Ha! I'm more miserable than you!

Thanks to all who visit my blog regularly, and I'm sorry I don't always return the favor. I wanted you to know why. I promise to post something lighter for Silly Sunday.

Dance Marathon & Do Good (Well) Challenge

When I was in college, I participated in a charity dance marathon. After staying up all night, I kicked my good friend Barry out of my car after he whined too much for my cranky self; but hey, we had fun! Luckily, Barry and I are still buds and dance marathons still happen.

 This is what we danced to.

They don't just happen anywhere. This upcoming dance-a-thon is at The University of Maryland where my daughter is a Zeta Tau Alpha.

Those of you familiar with the ΖΤΑ sorority know they're into fund raising for philanthropies. Tonight, I was lucky enough to get an invite from my daughter... to go with her on her spring break cruise? No. To read her secret diary? Of course not! I was invited to donate money to the Children's Miracle Network Hospital. Hey, I'm not doing this alone! So, how about it? Pleeeeeeeease. My daughter will dance all night to help sick children. And the best part of all, I don't have to deal with her sleepless crankiness the next day because she's in Maryland, and I'm in Tennessee!

Also, take a look at this beautiful lady. Hopefully her face won't launch a thousands ships into battle, but she just might persuade someone to give up a little pocket change. After all, she's been convincing me to part with my slim pot for years.


If you're low on cash, you could also help her by liking the Zeta Facebook page. They are trying to promote their own philanthropy of breast cancer awareness and education. Kevin Bacon is even officiating the Do Good Challenge! As one who teaches English, this was tough to do because the University's project is called the, "Do Good Challenge." Really Terps? You're college kids and should do WELL!

I've babbled enough. Now it's time to show you how to make miracles happen. To sponsor Judy, click the link: Judy's Terp Thon. If you do, I'll be indebted. Hopefully, your kid won't want much.

To learn more about this do-goody cause, visit
Zeta Tau Alpha Do Good Challenge and click like. Judy and her sorority want 1688 people to "like" the page. That's odd. Why not 1689?

Thanks to all who help either by donating or liking the sorority's page!

#GBE2: Simplicity

Back in middle school, my home economics teacher assigned me to make a piece of clothing. Having ten thumbs, I chose a wrap around skirt from a Simplicity pattern. Wow, was that tough! No buttons, zippers, pockets or sleeves, but still I struggled to use that sewing machine and make the skirt. Meanwhile, my talented classmates whipped through complicated patterns with sleeves, buttons, and all the other extras I'd chosen to omit in exchange for a remedial pattern.

After many failed attempts, I finally had a green skirt. That was the last piece of clothing I sewed until I visited my college roommate in Chicago. Having nothing better to do, Rhonda and I decided to make our own shirts. She was an excellent seamstress who had sewn several items. She promised she'd help me to be successful even if I was domestically challenged. So following Rhonda's lead, we made shirts.

 Here we are wearing the shirts we made that afternoon. I know it's hard to tell from the photo, but our collars are a bit off centered. Who says shirts have to open  in the center of one's neck? You may visit Rhonda at http://www.laugh-quotes.com/.

Here's an extra photo that I found while trying to find a Simplicity pattern bag from the 1970s. I pasted it below just in case you hadn't seen this famous photo.

Nothing like Simplicity!

Silly Sunday: Bambi Vs. Godzilla

Here's a Silly Sunday flick. Enjoy.

Please visit Rhonda at Laugh Quotes for more fun.

Writer's Post: Colonoscopy

I'm signed up to have my third colonoscopy on April 5.

For those who have not had the pleasure of a this medical procedure, let me enlighten you. First, you restrain from eating solids while drinking chalk and visiting the toilet to expel more manure than anyone thought the human body could hold. Next, a loved one wheels your dehydrated body to the hospital to have a needle inserted into a flat vein. It's nighty night while a doctor inserts a scope up your butt in search of polyps. These bugabears are instantly clipped and tested for cancer.

So far, I've been polyp free, so hopefully I'll have positive results come April.

Colon cancer is one of the most easily preventable diseases; however, many fail to have the necessary test. If you are over fifty or have a family history, get moving to your doctor for some probe fun.

Wordless Wednesday: February in Memphis

Phil told us six more weeks of winter. Bring it on, groundhog. We haven't seen much all season.

These flowers have been in bloom for over a week.

It may not be flowers, but look how blue the sky is.

Come on, Mom. Start the car.

Happy Winter!

We're not luggage. We always ride inside!

One more.

Wordless Wednesday: Ginkgo

 

Those who actually need Ginkgo, 

can't remember to take it anyway.

Silly Sunday: Time to Proof Read Text Messages

I sent a text message to my son. After an eleven hour day, I didn't type the way I wanted to. He asked me about it; but at 7:00 am, I still didn't read it right. Oops.

This reminded me of a fun, old song. Enjoy.

The Writer's Post: Interview

Remember in college when you had that hot date that your friends wanted to check out without being seen? So, they slyly hid behind a pole and peered at the young man as he came to pick you up. That was not the case with Michelle and me. We devised an ingenious plan involving a type of interview and a few hapless men who fell victim to it. 

Dressed in a trench coat, hat, and sun glasses, we'd approach the men as they came to pick up our friends. 

"So, tell me, where are you taking this young lady tonight?" We'd ask as we'd scribble his answers on our notepads. We'd bombard the poor guy with question after question making for a wonderfully awkward scene. Then we'd circle behind him and comment on his cute butt. Finally after receiving a seal of approval, the date would commence. How's that for the topic of interview?

Wordless Wednesday: Joke's On Me!

This Valentine's Day, the boy whose mother is a professional chef, gave me this most beautifully decadent dessert.

Check out the frosting and the candy hearts on top. It's truly a work of art. So, why is the "joke on me?" 

I don't eat sweets. ☹

#GBE2: Do Over of "Why I Read Kid's Books"

Back when I first started blogging, I had no followers and 108 hits for the entire month of July, 2009–which beats May, 2009 where I received zero. Now with 386 GFC followers and 105 on Network, I receive quadruple that number of hits, or even more, daily. With GBE2's "do over" theme, I'd like to revise and repost one of my early attempts at blogging.

Originally posted: July 14, 2009

Why I Read Kid's Books

My daughter has said, “Mom, you’re an adult. Read adult books!”

Sure, I had my days inside the mind of psycho killers brutally murdering helpless victims. I used to be pasted to the pages of Dean Koontz novels, but I’ve moved on. Usually, we advance to more challenging adventures, not me. I write for children.

So, I wonder: am I immature when I laugh hysterically over Gordon Korman or Louis Sachar? Let’s face it, an adult story will never have Cap Anderson innocently referring to his classmates as Buttwad or Jerkface like in Schooled or the fun antics of kids breaking into a lowlife’s house in Swindle. Furthermore, will we ever see the silliness of Wayside School in the adult section of the library? "Class, let's learn about gravity by dropping this heavy and expensive computer down thirty floors." Ha! Doesn't happen in the adult literary world.

Not only do I like kid humor, but the YA section of your library or bookstore contains plenty of nerve-racking stories such as Margaret Peterson Haddix’s Shadow Children series where third born children must hide or be murdered by an uncaring government; or how about, The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins? Young Catniss must fight for survival in a future world. And YES, I love Anthony Horowitz’s, Alex Rider character. This junior James Bond is sure to hold anyone’s interest. Of course if you want to battle monsters in a modern day world, Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson adventures make for a fine read. Adult novels seem to only fight sex monsters. 

Not long ago, I actually read an adult novel. The Slap by Christos Tsiolkas leads the reader through an adventure about an adult who slaps another couple's child at an outdoor barbecue. This one event leads to the unraveling of the entire social community as a lawsuit progresses and friends take sides. Though a good book, every chapter had details about sex and the like. I enjoyed the read, finished, then picked up my next kid's book.

Probably being a bit ADD, I love the way a child’s story taps into a scene or character quickly without boring me with too much detail. So next time you're in the library or bookstore, check out the kids’ section. If you're like me, you won’t be disappointed.

Silly Sunday: School Answering Machine

Here's a message that clearly tells it like it is!

Lessons From the Playground

Back in the early seventies, I was another dumb kid just trying to fit in when I learned a powerful lesson on how to treat people. As a reward for all of our hard work, the school took us on a field trip to one of the best playgrounds in the world–Six Flags.

Being middle schoolers, we radiated cool as we weaved from ride to ride with a large group of boys and girls. All was wonderful until the lead nasty girl huddled us in a group and whispered, "Let's ditch Dan."

Well, okay. Gee, I had no mind of my own, so if she says we're going to do this, I went along with it. At her signal, all of us darted away from poor Dan.

Next, she chose a second victim, and a third. The group continually grew smaller as we ditched one kid after another. Being that this nasty girl was my good friend, it never dawned on me that eventually I would be the one ditched. They ditched me.

Alone and terrified, I shook in the middle of that huge amusement park. Strangers surrounded me as I wandered up and down the paths looking for one, just one familiar face. Why had I gone along with the pack earlier? Why hadn't I had the courage to speak up and say, "Stop! This is wrong" or  "No! I'm not ditching anyone." I'd never even thought about how cruel our stunt was, and if I hadn't gotten ditched myself, maybe I never would have. So I'm glad they left me. And as for my nasty friend... that was the END of that friendship.

Okay, I confess, she is a current Facebook friend; so, do I paste a link to this post in a private message to her? After that day, she didn't seem to understand why I didn't want to be her friend anymore. Would she understand as an adult? Has she ever thought of Six Flags since or is my horrible memory a faded smudge on her bridge. I have found the ability to forgive her, but I will NEVER forget. It was too painful.

Wordless Wednesday: Dog Cartoons

Here are a couple of cute cartoons by Mark Parisi.

And here's a photo from a group I "Like" on Facebook. Dogs Against Romney

How could anyone put a dog on the roof of a car and drive to Ontario? Unbelievable!