#WW Meets #AtoZ: T Taunting Squirrels

"This squirrel is a huge jerk!"

Photo and caption by Judy Lansky

Musical Monday & #AtoZ Presents S: Saturday Night Live

Here's a favorite from a hometown hero. I saw Justin Timberlake perform at a gifted teachers' conference. He was not tall nor did he sing anything risque. The Justin I saw was a cute, little boy with a lot of talent. When he became famous, he found his gifted teacher a better job. I'm still waiting for my students to bail me out.

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.



PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

#AtoZ: Letter R - Rat Race

One of my favorite, funny movies is Rat Race. 

I dare you to watch this scene without laughing.

How about this scene?

Just a small sampling of the fun in Rat Race. 

Trust me, there are many more great scenes in this hilarious movie.

Also representing letter R is Rachel who got her license and took the car out for the first time. She visited Starbucks where she dropped her car keys in the toilet. Thanks to an automatic flush, the keys disappeared.

#AtoZ: Q for Q-tip Voo Doo Doll

My daughter had a horrible soccer coach who regularly caused her grief with his unfair coaching, so I got him. I grabbed some Q-tips and made a voodoo doll of Coach L. Although I didn't know magic chants, nor did the voodoo doll make his shoulder hurt, it brought a smile to my crying daughter.

Years later, I learned that this coach did not need me to give him Q-tip voodoo pain. He buried himself by getting fired over an illegal recruiting scam. 

Karma at its best!

P.S. Don't mess with my babies.     

                                 

#AtoZ: P is for Paddling

A Mississippi mother sued because her twelve-year-old son was paddled at school for disrespect. After sighting a small bruise on her poor baby's buttocks, she wanted justice for "child abuse." Here's a link: Mid South Mother Seeks Answers.

Lisa McDonald, the student's mother

If my child had gotten paddled for misbehavior, I'd be livid too . . .  at my kid. Don't get me wrong; I'm not a bible-toting-spare-the-rod southerner. In fact, I've raised three good kids without spanking any of them, butt (I mean but), if my child was so disrespectful that an adult had to hit him with a board, I wouldn't broadcast my poor parenting on the news.

Maybe someone needed to beat him. In fact, I bet his underpaid teacher was the abused person. Plus, the article never told exactly what the kid did. He could have taught a kid from a foreign country how to speak English. I've seen middle schoolers do that. 

"See the PE teacher. His name is Mr. Butt Face." 

Or maybe the juvenile delinquent blew up a toilet, spilled oil on the floor, or put stink bugs in the cafeteria. The shoddy news reporters left out the best part of the story. 

What do you think the kid did to get paddled in Mississippi?

#GBE2 & #AtoZ: The Big O

Letter O is for Orthography.  For those of you unfamiliar with the word, orthography means spelling. It's a big O because to spell incorrectly is to change meaning, if ewe no what eye mean?

I may not always know the correct spelling of a word, but I can tell when something is wrong. For example, one of my students wrote a story about a girl in a  

"SATAN dress."   
Muah, hah, hah.

I envisioned fiery red flames shooting from the character's waist while devowering everyone she ventures in contact with. Definitely not school appropriate as devil horns protrude from her evil skull. 

Nada.

The little girl's story involved cute little bunnies hopping around colorful egg-filled baskets. Could she have meant satin?

The big O also stands for Oh, no!

#AtoZ & #WW: N for Naughty Pictures

A real lady never shows all.

The "lady" below was pregnant at age one.

#AtoZ: M - Musical Monday

Here's a song for all manly men.

Now that you're done laughing, here's one of my favorite M songs, which I first heard after being dragged to my sister's high school band concert. It was love at first hear. I can see why In the Mood by Glenn Miller topped the charts in 1940.

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.


PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

#AtoZ: L is For Lansky

I married a Lansky–Mitchell Lansky–and today is his birthday; however, I decided I should write with caution or next year I could be advertising a new wife for him. Besides, his grandfather's name was Meyer. When in college, a professor asked Mitchell if he was related to Meyer Lansky, the infamous gangster of Mafia fame. Mitchell said, "Do you want to make something of it?" This shut the professor up.

Of course, Meyer was the grandfather on his mother's side, who was not the infamous Meyer Lansky. As far as I know, there is no relation.

Happy birthday to my wonderful husband who puts up with me!

#AtoZ: K - Kids And A Lockdown - Not Funny

I failed the lockdown at school last week. This drill is meant to teach us what to do if a gunman enters the building. While I flushed a toilet, someone said, "Lockdown," over the intercom. All doors slammed shut and locked to keep intruders out. Of course, I didn't hear the announcement and wandered carefree down the quiet hall. When I saw my administrator, I said, "Oh. I see you changed shoes," because earlier that day, she wore adorable, yellow duck shoes for the rainy bus duty.

She said, "You know we're in a lockdown?"

I said, "No."

Next, I tore down the hall looking for a place to hide. Finally, I knocked on the nurse's door. Allison wondered if this was a test, but opened anyway and let me in. We had a delightful visit while waiting for the drill to end.

After the lockdown, several staff members and I chatted in the office. My administrator asked what I did. When I told her, she said, "You are casualty number one, and Allison is casualty number two." Then she spilled out the gruesome truth about school shootings. Apparently, crazies will grab a kid and have him or her knock on doors.  

"Let me in! Let me in!" 

It is our job to ignore the frightened child in order to save the class. How does one ignore a scared voice? Dear God, I pray I am never in that situation.

#AtoZ: J - Jewish Holidays

Here's my Reader's Digest breakdown of Jewish holidays.

Shabbat - We survived week without being killed. Let's eat.

Sukkot - Egyptians tried to kill us. We wandered in desert for forty years. We survived. Let's eat in cute, little huts in our backyards.

Simchat Torah - We finished reading stories about people trying to kill us. We survived. Let's eat.

Chanukah - Assyrians tried to kill us. We survived. Let's eat.

Purim - Persians tried to kill us. We survived. Let's eat.

Passover - Egyptians tried to kill us. We survived. Let's eat tasteless food that causes gas.

Rosh Hashona - We survived year without being killed. Let's eat.

Yom Kippur - We've committed sins, such as gluttony. We won't eat all day. Let's eat at sundown.

There are a multitude of days that are 

too horrible to joke about or even to eat, 

but we will always remember.

#AtoZ: Irwin

My husband's middle name is Irwin. I figure that's funny enough for me to stop writing here, especially since the name means "boar friend." And, he was born in the year of the "Boar." To make matters even better, he doesn't eat pork!

At least my husband has a middle name and a first name too. I know folks who don't even have that, only initials for names.

Although my dad had a first name, his parents had never given him a middle name, so my sibs and I named him Norton. Norton is ranked on the popularity chart with three baby Norton's recently entering the world . . . which is more than I can say for little Irwins.

☻

There are worse names than Irwin. You could be named:

Dog Breath

Moon Unit

Dweezle

or

Shithead (pronounciation sha - thee - ad)

Wordless Wednesday: H for Honey Bear

Enough Honey Bear!

#AtoZ Meets Musical Monday: Letter G

I heard it through the Grapevine.

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.



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#AtoZ: F - Favorite Son

 

Happy birthday to Daniel, my favorite son.

Listen up, ladies. Have I got the guy for you. He's smart, good looking, and single. Since today is my son's twenty-fifth birthday, it's time to find him a wife. Don't get me wrong, it's not like he's a pathetic loser who's short on women, he has plenty of dates. They just aren't my type.   

Daniel likes Barbie dolls--beautiful, blonde, high-healed women who are definitely not kosher. I think this obsession with Barbies started in preschool when he played with his sisters' dolls in the bathtub. He'd grab them by the waist and fly them through the air while making airplane noises. In the end, the poor Barbies would crash into the wall and maybe lose their empty heads. Don't worry, ladies. He's always a gentleman with living women.

Anyway, my son needs a nice Jewish girl with a kind heart, intelligence, and an excellent sense of humor. She'd have to have one to fit into our family. Plus, liberal wouldn't hurt! Send me your resume, that is if I'm still alive after posting letter F, which also stands for Mom FAIL.

I think this kid just might have my sense of humor too. Plus, he has...

Strong muscles,

a winning smile,

and a big brain.

  

                         

                    Dating Fun Ken Doll By Mattel (Google Affiliate Ad)

#AtoZ : E - Engineers The Dam Kind

There are a lot of great fields to study, but it would be best to be a dam engineer. Dam people earn a lot of money for dam jobs. Plus, dam engineers gain respect for dam work. I bet they even get dam awards. 

Furthermore, dam engineers will help you with your dam property or will construct a dam, unlike others who won't give a dam. Just ask dam scientists for help, and they will draw a dam plan. Plus, they care about dam safety enough to form dam societies. Did you know there are societies for the dam British and the dam Americans?

Unfortunately, sometimes dam construction can interfere with people's lives due to dam flaws; however, I'm sure dam engineers will successfully fix dam problems.

#AtoZ: D - Driving Prank

Watch this hysterical video!

       
                                          

#AtoZ: C - Campus Book Rental & College Joke

Having put two kids through college and a third currently away, rising school costs are akin to sticking a vacuum hose into a wallet and sucking money out. As a result, I'm always looking for ways to make and save money. Voila! Here is an idea for the student studying french or event management, like my kid.

CampusBookRentals.com provides students with the opportunity to save 40-90% off book store prices. They provide free shipping, both ways, allow kids to highlight in books, are flexible about renting periods, and donate to Operation Smile. You can learn more about CampusBookRentals.com by clicking the video below. 

Also, check out their rent back program. This new initiative allows students to rent back books they own. A kid could earn two to four times more money than what they'd make through other buyout options.

                                           

                                             

Finally, here's a college joke in keeping with the spirit of my humor blog:

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." 

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

Wordless Wednesday: #AtoZ Bows

Today's Wordless Wednesday is brought to you by the letter B.

Honey Bow Bow

You can do what you want to me because I only weigh 25 pounds.

Tough girl doesn't look so tough today.

                       

#AtoZ Challenge: A = Agent Harold Wolfe

After five completed manuscripts and years of writing, I'm thrilled to announce that I found a terrific agent who is howling to represent me and Mrs. Zimmerman's Donuts! I'm referring to the wild and wonderful Agent Harold Wolfe of The Wolfe Literary Agency in New York City.

Mr. Wolfe has been prowling the book market for several years and, as a result, has sunk his teeth into his own unique style. In fact, he hates query letters, stating that he'd rather talk to someone than read a letter; so, Mr. Wolfe invites authors to call his office (212) 439-6500 and ask for Harry Wolfe.

What a rare species he is! He also welcomes visitors, so feel free to stop by his agency from 10:00-5:00 at the corner of: 

64th Street and Fifth Avenue
New York, New York 10021

For more information about Literary Agent Harold Wolfe, check out his website: http://tinyurl.com/ahfx8nu

#A-Z Challenge

What do you get when you cross Catch My Words with the month of April? Answer: The A-Z Challenge.

Starting Monday, 12:01 Central Standard time, I will be participating in April's A-Z Challenge. This means twenty-six days of laughs, one for each letter of the alphabet. Please stop by each day, Monday-Saturday. 

Is this funny, interesting, or cool? Check the box below and then hop back for a laugh on Monday.

#GBE2: Very, Very Small

               

I want to be very, very small. Not like midget small, kid small, or can't reach the cookie jar small–although that might help me achieve my goal––but size two small; so small I wouldn't weigh enough to donate blood. That way,  I'd have no guilt about not giving as often as I should.

I was once small.

Furthermore, everything looks better on skinny people, except for heavy backpacks that knock feather weights to the ground. At a camp in Colorado, a counselor stuck a backpack on a small girl's back. Without an ounce of emotion, she fell over backwards. That girl was small.

Also, it would take a small girl to attract a Christian Grey. Scratch that. I DON'T want a Christian Grey; however,  mentioning his name on my blog brings lots of visitors, so CHRISTIAN GREY, CHRISTIAN GREY, CHRISTIAN GREY. Ha! You got here because you were looking for a hot, sexy guy, didn't you? Fine! Don't get ticked, he's down below. 

In answer to the old question, "Would you rather be beautiful or intelligent?" I might go for beauty, as in small and stupid. That way, I'd be too dumb to know what I'm missing. I'd flip my blonde hair into a bun and spend all day at the beach in my very, very small bikini. Which reminds me, Stephen King said, "The road to Hell is paved with adverbs."If that's the case, I'd settle for just being small, like a size six.

Ian Freaking Hot Somerhalder - You happy?

Enjoy this dance from a man who is very, very small.

Wordless Wednesday: Photo Retake

1993

2013

Six13 - Pesach Shop (2013 Passover Jam)

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.



PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!