Musical Monday: The Neighbor

My son's friend in Nashville bought a "ridiculously nice" condo two doors down from Peter Frampton! According to Daniel, his friend does not hear Waaaa, wa, wa, wa, wa, wa, through his walls but is looking to talk to the rock star. Will he ask him what happened to his gorgeous, long hair?

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.

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100 Words on Saturday - Week 10

When one gets married, they think they know everything about the one across the aisle, but not necessarily. I'm participating in a prompt this week where I need to tell a dark secret in exactly 100 words. Oh, man. This one's baaaaaad!

 

Tim and I waited until marriage, so he didn’t know; however, I reminded myself of the date when he'd told me he's a butt man. Baby Got Back was written for him.

“I’m not normal,” I said, while he unzipped my gown. 

“Who is?” 

I slipped off my bra and revealed one bottom.

Tim scrunched his eyebrows. “If that’s your butt, what’s above your legs?”

Lowering my panties, I revealed the normal part. “In girls’ PE, I was nicknamed bi-ass for one on the chest and one below.”

“Alright!” Tim beamed. “If things get rough, I’ll turn the other cheek.”

Theme Thursday: Mysterious Pepper Fun

sweet male

While shopping at Kroger, I learned that peppers have sexes: four bumps on the bottom is a female pepper, which is firm and good for cooking, while the three bump variety means a sweet male. I never knew vegetables were sexual beings. Of course, the way they dance around the vine, it shouldn't surprise anyone to learn of magic in the field.

So the females have more bumps and curves. Hm? Furthermore, girl peppers carry more seeds that make her

bloated female

heavier, kinda like that time of the month, although they are permanently bloated.

I also have to wonder if sweet males like to hang on vines with other sweet male peppers or do all peppers have fun together? If the males and females hang together, is it like one big vegetable orgy?

Every time I think I've heard it all, I learn more. I guess some peppers grow red after hanging around with their bumpy bottoms showing. 

Woo baby! Wanna hang on my vine?

You'll never think of peppers the same way, will you?

Wordless Wednesday: My Freezer-The Post I Never Wrote

Promote Your Book Bloghop: Meet and Greet

While catching up on blog visits, I learned that I'm signed up for a Meet and Greet blog hop. I don't remember signing up, but then again, I don't remember much these days.

So, listen up Buttercup: since I rarely answer questions about myself, please seize the opportunity to learn secrets about me. I bet you didn't even know I can touch my nose with my tongue and have the rarest common blood type, AB Negative. But no one wants to know that.

This is what was asked . . .

What is your favorite animal?  

My dogs, or course

 

Where have you traveled to (outside of your country), and what's been your favorite destination? 

I'm an American who has traveled to France, Italy, Ireland, Israel, Canada, Mexico, and Bermuda. Each place has been wonderful, so it's hard to choose a favorite. I enjoy warm places with oceans and beaches, but then again history rocks!

How many siblings do you have?
I have one brother and two sisters, and they are all older than me, which means they are REALLY old.

 

Are you a lefty or a righty?

I'm a lefty, which means I'm in my right mind. The left side of the brain controls the right side of the body, and the right side of the brain controls the left side, so us left handed people are the only ones in our right minds.

Since picking a favorite book is nearly impossible, who is your favorite author or which one has had the most influence on you in your writing career?

I love Margaret Peterson Haddix and Gordon Korman. Peterson for her heart-pumping action and Kormen for making me laugh. There are many other fab authors. As far as who has most influenced my writing career, it would have to be all of those Midsouth authors who I've met through SCBWI. Josh Adams, Peterson's agent, will be at our next SCBWI conference. Woo hoo!

Joyce Lansky teaches intellectually gifted children, is active in SCBWI, and has completed five novels. In May 2011, she published a story in AppleSeeds magazine, a division of Carus. She currently blogs at Catch My Words. If her blog makes you laugh, please inquire about her MG and YA humor manuscripts that are looking for a home. jlanskyATcomcastDOTcom.

Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros

Memphis, Tennessee

Part of Memphis in May is the ever popular Beale Street Music Festival, which brings a plethora of sought after rock stars to entertain the young. Along with the musicians comes thunder storms every dang year, but rain or shine the party continues.

Photo by Judy Lansky

Last night, my girls ventured downtown to enjoy the festivities. My daughter posted on Facebook, "I just fell more in love with Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros (if that is even possible) #edwardsharpe #iloveyou #bealestreetmusicfest." 

So I asked what every mother of my persuasion asks, "Is he Jewish?" 

She said, "No Mom. That's the name of the band not the singer."

I looked up the band on Youtube and found this must share video. Adorable!

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.



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#GBE2 : How To Be A Slob

This week's GBE2's topic is "write a how to post." My freshman English teacher gave

me this same assignment at the University of Missouri. Not knowing which topic to choose, my  roommate and I brainstormed topics. When the idea of, "How to be a slob" came up, I turned to Rhonda (Laugh Quotes) and said, "How do you be a slob? You're so good at it?"

She said,  "I'll show you." Next, she opened my underwear drawer and dumped everything out of it. So I did the same to hers. And the next drawer, and the next . . . before long we were tossing everything in the room into the air, to the point where we'd attracted an audience in the hall who couldn't understand why we were laughing.

That Dear Readers, is how 

 one becomes a slob.

#AtoZ Meets #WW: Z for Zombies!

I worry about my daughter.

She wears too much makeup.

Plus, she's been chasing after men.

I think she's in with the wrong crowd.

#AtoZ Meets Musical Monday Y for Yankovic Sings YODA

Humor blogger I am, hmm. Now day Y it is so an old favorite by Weird Al Yankovic, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yoda I present.

Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.

--YODA, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.



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#AtoZ X for eXpelling Gas

My son summed it best in eight grade when he said, "When I was in sixth grade and someone farted, it wasn't funny, but now it's hilarious!"

What is it about eXpelling gas, a normal function of the human body, that make so many chuckle? The average person farts ten times a day. That's average. Of course statistically, one could find a range of 287, so to be accurate, wouldn't we need to know the mode and median too? For example, although the mean is ten, maybe most
people only fart nine times per day; however, the day of the count, Rush Limbaugh farted 264 times. Would he be considered an outlier or did he mess up the whole dang curve?

Is there an Institute of Fartology? If so, who works there?

"My name is Dr. Jones, and I count farts for a living." I bet he's the life of the party! A real gas if you know what I mean.

Furthermore, do these statistics count dead guys? A friend who's an undertaker told me that dead people constantly eXpel gas; however, this gas doesn't just exit from below. It could sneak out of a joint causing a sudden flip of a wrist or foot twitch. I wonder, does cadaver gas smell better, worse, or the same as living farts? I'll have to ask my friend. It just goes to show, we still have a lot of research to do in this scientific field.

#AtoZ: W for Word Verification

Please don't ask me to copy letters I can't read or blurry numbers. Also, I don't want to solve math problems. It's about time Math solved it's own problems and admitted that X left and is never coming back. I'm referring to the infamous captcha that makes me want to leave your blog and never return.

I once used word verification, but at the request of a regular commenter, I took it down. Since then, I've enjoyed an increase in blog comments. I do NOT get spam from a lack of word verification. If you're worried about spam, enact comment approval.

That's a Q, not an O

I hope my blog is easy to comment on. If it moves slowly, I can provide fewer posts on the main page or further clean up the side pictures. Do the fish at the bottom need to go? Did you even know my blog has fish?

Thanks for catching my words!

                                  

#AtoZ: V for Very Special Blogs

I want to highlight three Very Special blogs that I visit regularly.

http://bethere2day.com is a fun place for online randomness. Steve, from London, posts funny jokes, stories, and cartoons regularly that always make me laugh. Please check him out.

I also visit Rhonda daily at http://www.laugh-quotes.com. Rhonda has traveled all over the world and entertains with amazing and humorous stories. She's worth a click.

Finally, Binky and friends make me laugh every Monday & Thursday. These adorable comics, complete with colorful artwork, give a peek into the world of wombats. Find him at: http://www.comics.wombania.com.

I couldn't get through the week without a laugh from these Very Special blogs! Therefore, I am presenting the Very Special Blog award to these bloggers. The rules are to give this award to 87 others and write 98 facts about yourself. Just kidding! You don't have to do anything, but I'd love to know that you saw this post.

#AtoZ: U Urban Dictionary

One can define kid speak with the help of Urban Dictionary. To tap into this wealth of information, just enter a word, and the definition pops up. 

For example, neathage is the opposite of cleavage. I didn't even know there was a word for a woman's boob hanging out from the bottom of her shirt.
  

Or an Introdouche is someone who introduces himself by bragging about useless accomplishments. You can also achieve introdouche status by introducing your girlfriend as a "friend."

 

Furthermore, spend some time with Urban Dictionary, and you'll find gazillion different types of boogers: phantom, bloody, leaf, runaway, happy, ten dollar, ingrown, bat, or cape––the list goes on and on. 

I'm not sure if my kids know all the definitions at Urban Dictionary, but they are upstanding citizens who would never wheez the juice or become illegal gymigrants.

So whether you want to achieve coolness or to understand what your son means when he asks you to text poon to his friend, check out Urban Dictionary.

#WW Meets #AtoZ: T Taunting Squirrels

"This squirrel is a huge jerk!"

Photo and caption by Judy Lansky

Musical Monday & #AtoZ Presents S: Saturday Night Live

Here's a favorite from a hometown hero. I saw Justin Timberlake perform at a gifted teachers' conference. He was not tall nor did he sing anything risque. The Justin I saw was a cute, little boy with a lot of talent. When he became famous, he found his gifted teacher a better job. I'm still waiting for my students to bail me out.

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.



PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

#AtoZ: Letter R - Rat Race

One of my favorite, funny movies is Rat Race. 

I dare you to watch this scene without laughing.

How about this scene?

Just a small sampling of the fun in Rat Race. 

Trust me, there are many more great scenes in this hilarious movie.

Also representing letter R is Rachel who got her license and took the car out for the first time. She visited Starbucks where she dropped her car keys in the toilet. Thanks to an automatic flush, the keys disappeared.

#AtoZ: Q for Q-tip Voo Doo Doll

My daughter had a horrible soccer coach who regularly caused her grief with his unfair coaching, so I got him. I grabbed some Q-tips and made a voodoo doll of Coach L. Although I didn't know magic chants, nor did the voodoo doll make his shoulder hurt, it brought a smile to my crying daughter.

Years later, I learned that this coach did not need me to give him Q-tip voodoo pain. He buried himself by getting fired over an illegal recruiting scam. 

Karma at its best!

P.S. Don't mess with my babies.     

                                 

#AtoZ: P is for Paddling

A Mississippi mother sued because her twelve-year-old son was paddled at school for disrespect. After sighting a small bruise on her poor baby's buttocks, she wanted justice for "child abuse." Here's a link: Mid South Mother Seeks Answers.

Lisa McDonald, the student's mother

If my child had gotten paddled for misbehavior, I'd be livid too . . .  at my kid. Don't get me wrong; I'm not a bible-toting-spare-the-rod southerner. In fact, I've raised three good kids without spanking any of them, butt (I mean but), if my child was so disrespectful that an adult had to hit him with a board, I wouldn't broadcast my poor parenting on the news.

Maybe someone needed to beat him. In fact, I bet his underpaid teacher was the abused person. Plus, the article never told exactly what the kid did. He could have taught a kid from a foreign country how to speak English. I've seen middle schoolers do that. 

"See the PE teacher. His name is Mr. Butt Face." 

Or maybe the juvenile delinquent blew up a toilet, spilled oil on the floor, or put stink bugs in the cafeteria. The shoddy news reporters left out the best part of the story. 

What do you think the kid did to get paddled in Mississippi?

#GBE2 & #AtoZ: The Big O

Letter O is for Orthography.  For those of you unfamiliar with the word, orthography means spelling. It's a big O because to spell incorrectly is to change meaning, if ewe no what eye mean?

I may not always know the correct spelling of a word, but I can tell when something is wrong. For example, one of my students wrote a story about a girl in a  

"SATAN dress."   
Muah, hah, hah.

I envisioned fiery red flames shooting from the character's waist while devowering everyone she ventures in contact with. Definitely not school appropriate as devil horns protrude from her evil skull. 

Nada.

The little girl's story involved cute little bunnies hopping around colorful egg-filled baskets. Could she have meant satin?

The big O also stands for Oh, no!

#AtoZ & #WW: N for Naughty Pictures

A real lady never shows all.

The "lady" below was pregnant at age one.

#AtoZ: M - Musical Monday

Here's a song for all manly men.

Now that you're done laughing, here's one of my favorite M songs, which I first heard after being dragged to my sister's high school band concert. It was love at first hear. I can see why In the Mood by Glenn Miller topped the charts in 1940.

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.


PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

#AtoZ: L is For Lansky

I married a Lansky–Mitchell Lansky–and today is his birthday; however, I decided I should write with caution or next year I could be advertising a new wife for him. Besides, his grandfather's name was Meyer. When in college, a professor asked Mitchell if he was related to Meyer Lansky, the infamous gangster of Mafia fame. Mitchell said, "Do you want to make something of it?" This shut the professor up.

Of course, Meyer was the grandfather on his mother's side, who was not the infamous Meyer Lansky. As far as I know, there is no relation.

Happy birthday to my wonderful husband who puts up with me!

#AtoZ: K - Kids And A Lockdown - Not Funny

I failed the lockdown at school last week. This drill is meant to teach us what to do if a gunman enters the building. While I flushed a toilet, someone said, "Lockdown," over the intercom. All doors slammed shut and locked to keep intruders out. Of course, I didn't hear the announcement and wandered carefree down the quiet hall. When I saw my administrator, I said, "Oh. I see you changed shoes," because earlier that day, she wore adorable, yellow duck shoes for the rainy bus duty.

She said, "You know we're in a lockdown?"

I said, "No."

Next, I tore down the hall looking for a place to hide. Finally, I knocked on the nurse's door. Allison wondered if this was a test, but opened anyway and let me in. We had a delightful visit while waiting for the drill to end.

After the lockdown, several staff members and I chatted in the office. My administrator asked what I did. When I told her, she said, "You are casualty number one, and Allison is casualty number two." Then she spilled out the gruesome truth about school shootings. Apparently, crazies will grab a kid and have him or her knock on doors.  

"Let me in! Let me in!" 

It is our job to ignore the frightened child in order to save the class. How does one ignore a scared voice? Dear God, I pray I am never in that situation.

#AtoZ: J - Jewish Holidays

Here's my Reader's Digest breakdown of Jewish holidays.

Shabbat - We survived week without being killed. Let's eat.

Sukkot - Egyptians tried to kill us. We wandered in desert for forty years. We survived. Let's eat in cute, little huts in our backyards.

Simchat Torah - We finished reading stories about people trying to kill us. We survived. Let's eat.

Chanukah - Assyrians tried to kill us. We survived. Let's eat.

Purim - Persians tried to kill us. We survived. Let's eat.

Passover - Egyptians tried to kill us. We survived. Let's eat tasteless food that causes gas.

Rosh Hashona - We survived year without being killed. Let's eat.

Yom Kippur - We've committed sins, such as gluttony. We won't eat all day. Let's eat at sundown.

There are a multitude of days that are 

too horrible to joke about or even to eat, 

but we will always remember.

#AtoZ: Irwin

My husband's middle name is Irwin. I figure that's funny enough for me to stop writing here, especially since the name means "boar friend." And, he was born in the year of the "Boar." To make matters even better, he doesn't eat pork!

At least my husband has a middle name and a first name too. I know folks who don't even have that, only initials for names.

Although my dad had a first name, his parents had never given him a middle name, so my sibs and I named him Norton. Norton is ranked on the popularity chart with three baby Norton's recently entering the world . . . which is more than I can say for little Irwins.

☻

There are worse names than Irwin. You could be named:

Dog Breath

Moon Unit

Dweezle

or

Shithead (pronounciation sha - thee - ad)

Wordless Wednesday: H for Honey Bear

Enough Honey Bear!

#AtoZ Meets Musical Monday: Letter G

I heard it through the Grapevine.

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.



PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!